Book Review: "There Is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber

Regardless of what you were taught to believe, there is nothing wrong with you.  Or any of us.  And that is what this book attempts to communicate.

The subtitle is "Going Beyond Self-Hate: A compassionate process for learning to accept yourself exactly as you are."

This book was recommended to me by one of my mentors, Dr. Scott Walker, and I'm so glad I read it.  It was a quick, easy read that has become another experiment for me.

We all struggle with self-doubt, and as a practitioner who's blessed to be entrusted with my patients' deepest secrets, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that all of us have asked the question at some point in our lives, "What's wrong with me?"  We judge ourselves, abuse ourselves, sell ourselves short...  EVEN ME... and this book is an excellent education in how to stop these sabotaging behaviors.   We are all taught as children to be "good."  But in our attempts to be "good," we abandon our own needs and emotions, perceiving them as "bad." We punish ourselves.  We hate ourselves.  And that hatred extends outwards from us to those around us.

In this book, you'll learn how helping others can even be a form of self-abuse, and when we are abusing ourselves, the last thing we should be doing is helping others... Instead of coming from a position of abundance and love, we come from a place of lack and fear which breeds anger and resentment.  What good is it to help others if it just leaves you feeling angry and resentful at the end of the day?  How can you positively influence the world in that state?  Is that really being a "good person?"

This book showed me how to love myself in a deeper way than had ever occurred to me before.  What's really incredible to me is what I have noticed as I have conducted this experiment...  I'm doing things better than ever!  My thoughts are clearer, my body more coordinated... and I can't help but think of a child who has been knocked down with insults day after day, who starts to embody those insults...  When we show that child love and acceptance, they begin to shine.  Based on my experience, I believe the inner child is the same way.

"Don't waste your time and energy beating yourself up for having wandered.

Just sit quietly in gratitude for having returned."

So I hope you read this book... Then give yourself a pat on the back for taking that step and let me know what YOUR experience is in the comments below... (don't forget to follow this blog so you never have to miss a post again!)

High Expectations: The negative side effect of Optimism

It is well-documented, according to my friends, that I am an optimist to an almost pathological degree.  I even have a friend who is a Doctor of Psychology who insists she is going to write a book about me and my disorder: Optimistic Personality Disorder (OPD).  She assures me that I am the most extreme case she's ever seen.  Symptoms include but are not limited to: perpetual silver linings, always expecting the best from people, and giving endless second (third, fourth, fifth, etc) chances.

Unfortunately, though my disorder helps me continually seek out and find the gifts offered by these experiences, I am often disappointed in others' behavior.  I'm not one to typically hold a grudge or blame (at least not for long), but I definitely get let down.

Recently, however, in a conversation with a friend, I remarked on how optimistic he was...  He responded that he's learned to keep his expectations low "so everything is a gain."  This was such a remarkable statement to me.  I really needed to be reminded of that today.  And this one little sentence brings so many gifts with it...

First of all, the answers to our troubles could be waiting anywhere, even in a passing comment, so listen up, and they will find you!  I am so grateful for the little ways God speaks to me on a daily basis, and the true beauty of it is that these little messages are so subtle and personalized that no one notices them but me... they're like our own little secret love letters going back and forth... I show my gratitude through my attempt to make the most of this life, and God communicates back through these random moments. I doubt that person had any idea what his statement really meant to me...

Second, keep your expectations of others low!  We can't expect everyone to behave the way we would or even have the same guidelines for living, and expecting others to behave in specific ways simply sets us up for disappointment.  This is not to say that it is ok for people to treat us unfairly or with disrespect, but expecting others to behave according to what we dictate to be right and good simply isn't fair. 

Instead, if someone treats you in a way you find undesireable, speak up, in a kind and loving way, assuming they had no intention to hurt you. Let them know how you would like to be treated, not in a demanding or controlling manner, but it a way that brings awareness of how their behavior affected you.  If they choose not to respect your feelings, you have the opportunity to decide if this person is really worth having as an integral part of your life.  After all, if someone treats us with disrespect, it is OUR responsibility, and ours alone, to love ourselves enough to walk away.  How can we blame the scorpion for stinging the frog?