Your child is not broken...

I'm bracing myself because I'm sure I'll offend some folks with this one, but it needs to be said.

Your child is not broken.

There is nothing wrong with them. 

Sadly, the people who need to read this probably won't or won't think I'm talking about them, but it breaks my heart every time a parent contacts me telling me that their young child needs professional help because they challenge them as parents.

THAT'S WHAT CHILDREN DO!

And some will definitely be better at it than others.  But to teach a child that there is something wrong with them because of this only destroys their self-esteem.


It's a child's job to test the boundaries, and a parent's job to lovingly set them. 

Believe me... I am by no means saying being a parent is easy.  Being a parent is the hardest job that exists, and it often goes unappreciated.  Setting boundaries in a loving way is nearly impossible at times.  But to blame your child for your own inadequacies is (dare I say it?) abusive. 

You consciously chose to bring them into this world. And with that choice, you elected to be their guardian... to protect their developing mind from undue stress, to nurture their self-esteem, and to teach them how to deal with the world and thrive.  If you are choosing to consider yourself a victim of their behavior, what are you teaching them? That they are broken? They they are victims of their environment? 

I am happy to help children overcome those things that challenge them, but more importantly, if you feel there is something wrong with your child, it's time to look in a mirror. 

How are you guilty of the behaviors you accuse them of?  How can you adjust your parenting techniques to make things run smoother in the household?  Children will often resist structure and discipline, but if you stand firm (and fair!!), they will thrive.  Perhaps we need to utilize some NET to help you let go of your fears, resentments, and other emotions that are preventing you from being the parent you want to be. 

Here's the cold, hard truth... if your children are not who you want them to be, it's not their fault; it's yours. And if this made you angry, or brought out some other emotion for you, I encourage you to let me have it in the comment section below.