How to boost your self-esteem! (aka Getting Out of a Funk:101)

Not too long ago, I had fallen into a funk and I decided I needed to take action to pull myself out of it. My self-esteem was suffering.

Don't we all have moments like that?  Sometimes, we feel like we're on top of the world, and the next year/week/day/minute, we feel like sitting in a corner, sucking our thumb, and singing this song:

So I thought I'd compile a list of the things I did to pull myself out of it.  Maybe it will be helpul for you, too!

STEP 1: BE A CRYBABY

I mean it!  You're hurt.  Let it out.  Give yourself permission to feel.  Give that inner child what it wants!  Grab your tissues, your blankie, find a quiet place to be alone, and embrace that pity party!  Then ask yourself why you feel this way.  Keep asking why until you get to what we NET practitioners call the "Lowest Common Denominator."  What is the core of the issue?  If circumstances are not what you would like them to be, ask yourself why it bothers you?  Does it make you feel like a failure?  Does it remind you of something you regret?  Something you want but don't have? Does it make you feel unloved?  What is the story you tell yourself that makes this a bad thing? What does it say about you that's so bad? Keep asking why it bothers you until you find the one thing underlying it all... the one thing that seems like the absolute worst thing about the whole situation... then save that for step 2. This is also a great time to journal about your hurts, whine to a trusted friend (who you've already warned that this is a venting session!!), and blubber like the baby you really want to be.

STEP 2: PUT YOUR BIG GIRL/BOY PANTS ON 

And that requires a big scoop of courage!  Let's face it: Facing inner demons can be scary.  But there's nothing scarier than getting to the end of your life never realizing how fabulous you were or never accomplishing your greatness because you were too scared to look at yourself honestly.  Go within.  Take a look at that piece of yourself that seems so detestable.  Make a list of all the things that make you imperfect.  Embrace it! Then don't stop until you hit step 3.

  

STEP 3: (REALITY) CHECK, PLEASE!

Now it's time to make a list of those things that you love about yourself too.  And start with how brave you were to make that first list... because that's pretty darn impressive. If you need some help, phone a friend or mentor and listen objectively.  You can also tell them what you think is so horrible and get a reality check.  If it's true, you know what you have to work on and start figuring out how to make a change.  But more likely, you're probably harder on yourself than anyone else.  Stop beating yourself up for being imperfect like 100% of your fellow human beings in this world. 

STEP 4: TREAT YOURSELF!

Think of something that brings joy to your heart... And DO IT!  I went dancing, I indulged in some retail therapy, I went for a spa treatment, I took myself out to dinner...  Do things that make you feel like it's a celebration and celebrate YOU!  Make yourself feel special because you are!  I even dressed up for my self-date!  You set the example for how others should treat you, so show the world what you deserve by doing it for yourself!  Listen to music that makes you happy or go for a nice  leisurely walk... if you're like me (and most of the world), slowing down and enjoying your surroundings in our busy, hectic schedules is luxury itself.  In all of these special moments you give yourself, take time, slow down, relish the experience, and celebrate being alive and having the opportunity to enjoy this time with yourself. Do these things with mindfulness. Note every sensation: the taste, feel, smell, and sounds that go with each moment. 

STEP 5: CONNECT WITH YOUR HIGHER POWER 

/VISIT WITH MOTHER NATURE

Take a walk in the woods, on the beach, or even a park nearby...  notice the stars, clouds, leaves, birds...  Pay attention to the scents in the air, the feel of the wind or sun on your face...  Breathe it all in with every cell of your being... and notice what a beautiful world you are an integral part of...  Go to church, pray, meditate... do what you need to do to feel connected to something greater than yourself.  Notice your heart beating, your blood flowing, your aliveness...  This is an exercise in mindfulness.  If you are looking for more information on this topic, try this course and tell Dr. Handlin I sent you.  (She's a fabulous teacher who's compassion and patience knows no bounds.) 

STEP 6: VOLUNTEER 

You can read about my most recent experience here , but the possibilities are endless.  Most importantly, find an opportunity that interests you where you can be hands on and get involved.  Go beyond yourself.  Stretch to the edges of your comfort zone.  See if you can interact with the people you're helping. Soup kitchens, Habitat for Humanity, and the recent efforts in Staten Island and the Jersey Shore are some suggestions to get you started.  This is such a unique experience for everyone, but it's rare that I find someone who doesn't benefit from this.  A quick online search can also help find a variety of opportunities. 

STEP 7: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Make a gratitude list.  I say this all the time.  Gratitude is a such a healing state to be in.  And don't tell me you have nothing to be grateful for: When a quadriplegic who can't even swallow and lost their entire family in the accident that took their mobility can find things to be grateful for, anyone can.  Even if it's just the face that you woke up today. Or are breathing. Or aren't that quadriplegic.

STEP 8: TAKE ACTION!
The Universe rewards the action step!  So do it!  You've looked at what you don't like about yourself and your life... what are you going to do to change it?  Commit today to make a difference, keep working at it a little every day, and eventually, you'll get there.  There is no true failure but a failure to try.

What are you going to do differently tomorrow?