What to do when you just want to be miserable

I posted on Facebook this morning, "If you wake up in the morning not loving your life, you have three options: stay miserable, change your life, or change the way you look at it." I then stated that I hoped everyone would bypass option one.

I have since reconsidered.

Sometimes, you don't feel like bypassing option one!

Sometimes, you want to be miserable. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like there's any other option. And even if that may simply be an ego-induced illusion, if that's where you are, enjoy your misery! Live it up. Savor it. Be as miserable AS POSSIBLE.

Make it count. Don't just be miserable...

However, I do have a few rules:

1) Set a time limit. Every party must come to an end, including this one, so set a time limit, set an alarm, and when it goes off, bring your party to an end. I recommend a series of 5 minute parties. You can have them as often as you like, but you must walk away from them in between. Some people even like to store their party in a special box and put it on the shelf. This box can exist in the material world, or simply your imagination.

2) Don't hurt anyone else.  Please do not toss shrapnel at those you love. It's fine to share your circumstances with those you care about or even tell them what you are doing, but pity parties are best had with one guest and one guest only.

3) No Judging. You are in no way to berate yourself for this party of yours. This is something you are treating yourself to. There is nothing wrong with it and there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. Wouldn't it be great to live in a judgement free zone? That zone starts in your own mind. Tell the haters to take a hike.

Happy pity partying! Scream, cry, curse, throw a fit (or even a pillow!) and let me know how you feel when you're done in the comments below!

How to boost your self-esteem! (aka Getting Out of a Funk:101)

Not too long ago, I had fallen into a funk and I decided I needed to take action to pull myself out of it. My self-esteem was suffering.

Don't we all have moments like that?  Sometimes, we feel like we're on top of the world, and the next year/week/day/minute, we feel like sitting in a corner, sucking our thumb, and singing this song:

So I thought I'd compile a list of the things I did to pull myself out of it.  Maybe it will be helpul for you, too!

STEP 1: BE A CRYBABY

I mean it!  You're hurt.  Let it out.  Give yourself permission to feel.  Give that inner child what it wants!  Grab your tissues, your blankie, find a quiet place to be alone, and embrace that pity party!  Then ask yourself why you feel this way.  Keep asking why until you get to what we NET practitioners call the "Lowest Common Denominator."  What is the core of the issue?  If circumstances are not what you would like them to be, ask yourself why it bothers you?  Does it make you feel like a failure?  Does it remind you of something you regret?  Something you want but don't have? Does it make you feel unloved?  What is the story you tell yourself that makes this a bad thing? What does it say about you that's so bad? Keep asking why it bothers you until you find the one thing underlying it all... the one thing that seems like the absolute worst thing about the whole situation... then save that for step 2. This is also a great time to journal about your hurts, whine to a trusted friend (who you've already warned that this is a venting session!!), and blubber like the baby you really want to be.

STEP 2: PUT YOUR BIG GIRL/BOY PANTS ON 

And that requires a big scoop of courage!  Let's face it: Facing inner demons can be scary.  But there's nothing scarier than getting to the end of your life never realizing how fabulous you were or never accomplishing your greatness because you were too scared to look at yourself honestly.  Go within.  Take a look at that piece of yourself that seems so detestable.  Make a list of all the things that make you imperfect.  Embrace it! Then don't stop until you hit step 3.

  

STEP 3: (REALITY) CHECK, PLEASE!

Now it's time to make a list of those things that you love about yourself too.  And start with how brave you were to make that first list... because that's pretty darn impressive. If you need some help, phone a friend or mentor and listen objectively.  You can also tell them what you think is so horrible and get a reality check.  If it's true, you know what you have to work on and start figuring out how to make a change.  But more likely, you're probably harder on yourself than anyone else.  Stop beating yourself up for being imperfect like 100% of your fellow human beings in this world. 

STEP 4: TREAT YOURSELF!

Think of something that brings joy to your heart... And DO IT!  I went dancing, I indulged in some retail therapy, I went for a spa treatment, I took myself out to dinner...  Do things that make you feel like it's a celebration and celebrate YOU!  Make yourself feel special because you are!  I even dressed up for my self-date!  You set the example for how others should treat you, so show the world what you deserve by doing it for yourself!  Listen to music that makes you happy or go for a nice  leisurely walk... if you're like me (and most of the world), slowing down and enjoying your surroundings in our busy, hectic schedules is luxury itself.  In all of these special moments you give yourself, take time, slow down, relish the experience, and celebrate being alive and having the opportunity to enjoy this time with yourself. Do these things with mindfulness. Note every sensation: the taste, feel, smell, and sounds that go with each moment. 

STEP 5: CONNECT WITH YOUR HIGHER POWER 

/VISIT WITH MOTHER NATURE

Take a walk in the woods, on the beach, or even a park nearby...  notice the stars, clouds, leaves, birds...  Pay attention to the scents in the air, the feel of the wind or sun on your face...  Breathe it all in with every cell of your being... and notice what a beautiful world you are an integral part of...  Go to church, pray, meditate... do what you need to do to feel connected to something greater than yourself.  Notice your heart beating, your blood flowing, your aliveness...  This is an exercise in mindfulness.  If you are looking for more information on this topic, try this course and tell Dr. Handlin I sent you.  (She's a fabulous teacher who's compassion and patience knows no bounds.) 

STEP 6: VOLUNTEER 

You can read about my most recent experience here , but the possibilities are endless.  Most importantly, find an opportunity that interests you where you can be hands on and get involved.  Go beyond yourself.  Stretch to the edges of your comfort zone.  See if you can interact with the people you're helping. Soup kitchens, Habitat for Humanity, and the recent efforts in Staten Island and the Jersey Shore are some suggestions to get you started.  This is such a unique experience for everyone, but it's rare that I find someone who doesn't benefit from this.  A quick online search can also help find a variety of opportunities. 

STEP 7: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Make a gratitude list.  I say this all the time.  Gratitude is a such a healing state to be in.  And don't tell me you have nothing to be grateful for: When a quadriplegic who can't even swallow and lost their entire family in the accident that took their mobility can find things to be grateful for, anyone can.  Even if it's just the face that you woke up today. Or are breathing. Or aren't that quadriplegic.

STEP 8: TAKE ACTION!
The Universe rewards the action step!  So do it!  You've looked at what you don't like about yourself and your life... what are you going to do to change it?  Commit today to make a difference, keep working at it a little every day, and eventually, you'll get there.  There is no true failure but a failure to try.

What are you going to do differently tomorrow?

Savoring the human experience.

As an NET practitioner, I do my best to remain neutral on what I like to call "Spiritual Reality." This is the term I use to describe one's religious or spiritual beliefs.  What one believes tends to be such a personal topic that in the role of practitioner, I have chosen to see none of them as wrong or right.  Who am I to say what the true story is?

However, one commonly accepted spiritual attitude is that we have chosen the path we walk in this life in order to have the human experience.  And for the sake of this post, I am going to assume this is true (despite the MASSIVE assumption I make to go there) so I hope you bear with me.

This particular reality is based on the premise that as souls, energy, heavenly beings, or whatever form we are in before we enter this world, we lower our vibration to enter the physical world in order to have the HUMAN experience.  In this reality, these energies, being non-physical, would be unable to feel the drama of the human experience because they are above drama in general.  They don't feel human emotion.  Some have said that this is one of the many reasons Jesus and other Great Teachers came to earth... to have the human experience.  One of my mentors, Dr. Scott Walker (creator of NET), often reminds his students to "savor" the human drama.  It is running from this drama that truly causes pain.  Like a pair of Chinese finger cuffs, the more we fight against them, the tighter they keep us bound.

Instead of fighting these feelings, I invite you to EMBRACE them.  Treat them as one hungering for a human experience would... like a giant serving of the most delicious treat you could ever imagine.  When we embrace and savor these experiences, it's amazing how quickly they pass... I guess time flies when you're having fun?

Regardless, learning to embrace these challenging times will only make the good times that much sweeter.  This is the premise that NET is based on... truly FEELING what we're going through and relishing the experience...  When we run from the pain, we will never find a true resolution.  It is only by going through it that we can find the other side.

Have you ever run from your pain?  What happened?  Share it in the comments below...

On Living Life On Purpose.

When I was younger, there were a lot of dark days, but there was one thing that kept me going... I knew that I was here for a reason... there were people that needed my help, even though I wasn't sure how I was going to help them yet.   I trusted that God had a plan in mind, even if I didn't know what it was.  Someone sent me this today, and it reminded me of those days. 

I am overcome with gratitude on a daily basis that I have discovered my personal way to serve the world and make it a better place.  Know that even if you don't feel you have arrived at that part of your journey yet, you can make a difference every day, with every choice you make: In how you treat your friends, family, and even the strangers you pass on the street...  even in how you treat yourself.

Perseverance through the darkest of days is what makes the light shine brightest on the other side.  And often, through this perseverance, your purpose is discovered...

Happy travels...

Screw enough. Be priceless.

I had an especially profound session of NET with a patient yesterday.  We've worked together for quite some time now, working through whatever issues bubble to the surface on this wild journey called life.  This particular patient has been going through a very big transition lately... she quit her full-time job to focus on her business.  She felt that quitting her job would give her the time she desperately needed to focus on her career goals, her health, and her overall happiness.

But a funny thing happened.

She seemed to have even LESS time than before!

She was still overwhelmed, lacking the time for exercise, lacking the motivation to eat well, never able to get 100% organized.

This is really a lesson for all of us... That we have time for what we MAKE time for... but I digress...

I noticed a pattern in her life, and she was up for a journey down the rabbit hole.

We started picking apart the story she was telling herself... that there wasn't enough money, enough time, enough of ANYthing...

We tested the concept of her being ok with having too much, not enough, and even just being ok as she was... None of which she was congruent with.

But then, as we spoke, and I continued to probe, we realized that this endless, infinite pursuit of "enough" was about something more.  I asked her, "Why do you need more? Why aren't YOU enough?" and we both stopped.

We had hit the mother load; the core issue that was driving all her pain and suffering.

How many of us are driven on endless journeys just like this one because underlying it all, we are just trying to measure up?  How many of us never feel like we are enough?  How many of us can't be happy with what we have because we always tell ourselves we could do more, be more, have more?

What kind of world would we create if we all felt like we were enough? And how much better would THAT world be if we all realized we were PRICELESS?

(PS I'm happy to say that we did clear this issue for her, and she felt a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. I can't wait to see the shift manifest in her life!)

Neuroemotional Technique for Postpartum Depression

I'm so excited to share this success story, as it is one of the worst cases of Postpartum Depression I've ever seen in my office.  This particular mom has four children, and experienced PD with ALL of them.  She was anxious, depressed, and couldn't connect with her babies.  What a heart-breaking and anticlimactic experience for any mom. 
I started working with her when she was about 5 months pregnant with number four.  She was very nervous about getting depressed and anxious again.  She was also concerned about her other three children and whether she could provide what they needed while caring for her newborn.  I saw her about 5 times before her new baby boy arrived... and what do you know!  It's about a month after her delivery and she feels great!  Sure, there's still the fatigue and stress that comes with a new baby, but she's not incapacitated or disconnected, and taking everything in stride.  Congrats, mom!  You're an example of what is possible for so many others who suffer in silence!