Courageous Congruence...

In the past six months or so, I have become reacquainted with the idea of owning my own behavior in a whole new way.  This new approach requires me to courageously step forward and behave in a way I feel is congruent with who I am on a whole new level.  Let me elaborate:

There have been a number misunderstandings in the past six months (probably longer for some) between friends and family... conflicts that seemed at an impasse despite my explanations and apologies... and yet, I still continued to find myself in situations where I still had to interact with and see these people.  For one who likes everyone to get along and be happy (like most of us, I suspect), this added a lot of stress to these social gatherings.

I've heard it said many times that others' opinions of someone can shape that person's behavior.  We begin to behave in the manner that is expected. Things become so convoluted that no one can see each other for the true, bright souls that they are because they get so blinded by their own Neuroemotional Complexes (NEC's).  But the miracle that lies within this scenario is extracted and put on display when one person (or more) chooses to rise above this and end the illusion.  This can happen in many ways, but in my personal experience as of late, I have taken on the challenge to really think of how I would behave if I did NOT assume this person or people have a negative opinion of me. What if everything were warm and loving and everything I wanted it to be? How would I behave then?

This was (and is) scary for me.  It puts me in a position to get rejected, humiliated, and/or hurt.  Repeatedly.  But in these situations, the only thing I can control is me. And with a deeper understanding of that concept than ever before, I decided that I was going to be the person I wanted to be, regardless of others' behavior or assumptions.  I chose to hold my head high, and love them the way I would otherwise, and make the conscious decision not to take their rejection personally.  After all, if I could learn to love them (not to be confused with allowing them to treat me poorly) ... well... isn't that what truly loving others is all about?  Letting them be miserable if they want to be miserable?  Accepting how they choose to react to a situation? Respecting their decisions? Letting them be who they want to be? 

Finally, I realized that they didn't have to behave to my expectations and standards for me to love them.  And through loving them fully, I could be at peace with the decisions that they made, even if they were out of anger and designed to be vengeful or manipulative... even if they were decisions I wouldn't make myself.  When their behavior could turn hurtful to me, I chose to love them from a distance. 

And you know what happened? 

A miracle.

With no fuel added to the fire, the conflict resolved itself!

The emotions that were fueling the conflict burned themselves out, and we were able to move on.

I think of the ways these situations could've played out differently. What if I had desperately tried to fix what couldn't be fixed?  What if I had gotten angry with them? What if I had let it lure me into a depression?  But I didn't.  I didn't have to fix it. I didn't have to play into it. I just had to be me, express the goodness within, and trust in my higher power that it would untangle itself. And it did! 

I challenge you to try this experiment for yourself and let me know how it turns out... you might be pleasantly surprised what happens when you release your expectations and trust everything will work out for the best...

Continuing to stumble blindly while secretly trusting that I am being conscientiously lead...

Dr. Redmond